


Before will never come again

by ledez_dreams



Series: Slowly Towards [2]
Category: Firefly, Serenity (2005)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-09 07:36:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16445567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ledez_dreams/pseuds/ledez_dreams
Summary: They needed a job.





	Before will never come again

For the first time since the war, Mal worried he didn't have a roadmap for himself, or for the people under his protection. Of course they rarely knew where they were going at any time, but now it seemed they didn't even know how they were getting there. That the trauma of Miranda coupled with their pilot's and the Shepherd's loss may created a schism that couldn't be repaired.

For Shepherd Book they of course grieved bitterly, but it was a little more bearable; they had already become accustomed to his absence and his death didn't create the hole in the crews psyche that Wash's did. Wash's innocence, his gentle humour and bright light. Of all of them, except maybe Kaylee, Wash was perhaps the last who deserved what happened to him.

Repairs to Serenity had given them a purpose, something to focus on before moving into the black. But repairs were over and lately Mal had sensed despondency in the crew, a sense of not knowing how to find the way forward. Or at least not a way of moving forward together as crew. And that was mighty worrisome.

Some had paired off. Kaylee and Simon had found their way to one another, had taken up shortly after the Reavers. Mal well understood that sense of mortality and how it could drive people to take what they had long denied themselves. And from the occasional need to plug his ears walking by her bunk at night to the contented look on his mechanic's face at breakfast, Mal found himself unwillingly contemplating that the doctor apparently knew his business. It surprised Mal, though upon reflection he realized it probably shouldn't. A good looking doctor from the core probably had no trouble in that department, awkwardness aside. Those two were damn preoccupied with one another, and aside from River, who Simon always made time for, they seemed almost oblivious to the moods of everyone around them. Mal worried that one day they would just up and leave, possibly taking River with them. Worried him so much so that it kept Mal from being entirely happy for Kaylee's fulfillment of her long held desire, much as he hated to admit it.

Zoe was a shell. She became even more even and expressionless than usual, ruthlessly efficient... and the joy gone out of her actions. It was difficult to know what she was possibly thinking at any given time, there were even times she was physically ill. Mal had seen Zoe's way of coping in the war, and though he wasn't as concerned as he might have been with someone else, he still had his doubts of where this would all end for her. The grief would ease in time, but would that time be spent alongside the crew? Alongside Mal?

Falling into bed with Inara had been easy. She had fought alongside them at Miranda, she was family. He loved her, but even she couldn't fill this void, not in the way that he hoped she would. She made him happy in the day to day, but didn't fix this anxiety running through Mal's mind.

Jayne was quiet and ornery. Not a huge departure from his regular self, and yet somehow it was. Strangely, it was Jayne who had Mal most worried out of all of them. He was quiet, he did his job, but there was a fire lacking in him. He didn't even insult the Doctor for fun anymore. Miranda had taken something out of Jayne, something Mal didn't even know had been there until he saw its absence.

Out of all of them River was the only one who had improved since Miranda. It was the strangest irony of all that she seemed to be coping better than any of them, save Simon and Kaylee. Mal didn't think anyone else could possibly have piloted their boat better than Wash, but River was learning fast. She had a way of keeping Wash alive, she'd refer to him in the strangest of ways, sometimes referring to him as though he was still on the ship. It made Mal cringe, less for its creepiness and more for the effect he was worried it would have on Zoe... Until he saw the grateful looks on Zoe. So unlike them to talk of their suffering, but Rivers strange ways had a way of allowing for it. Mad had a feeling River was the only thing keeping Zoe glued together.

But still, it wasn't enough. The crew felt like it was splintering, losing something at its core. And Mal didn't have a damn clue how to go about fixing it.

And if it all fell apart, Mal didn't know if he'd have the strength to put it back together. He thought about hiring a new hand, something to pull everyone out of their grief. But the time wasn't right, would probably splinter everyone more. Perhaps a job would create a sense of normalcy. It was the only thing Mal could think of to reestablish a sense of normalcy, give them a purpose. Not to mention they badly needed the coin.

Perhaps that was it. They needed a job. A good one. And they needed it soon.


End file.
